Calculator, but make it brutal

How long until your houseplant ghosts you?

We don’t do “positive vibes only.” The calculator is a cold, unblinking mirror for your habits — watering chaos, sunlight negligence, and those spontaneous weekend escapes that leave your plants to fend for themselves.

What we judge you for Why we built this

Habit check: brutal edition

Imaginary results

  • Watering consistency

    “I swear I watered it last month” is not a schedule.

  • Sunlight exposure

    North-facing windows count as witness protection for plants.

  • Travel habits

    Plants don’t thrive on “back next Tuesday, maybe.”

  • Chaotic life choices

    If you’ve moved three times this year, your fern has questions.

Your result will be a dramatically honest countdown, not a therapy session.

Imagine your verdict

Picture a timer that starts the moment you answer. That slow, inevitable countdown? That’s your plant, politely giving up. We’ll package it with a shareable summary because misery loves screenshots.

Coming for you soon

Interactive doom is in the works.

For now, soak in the reality check and practice a little accountability.